Ugly Christian Band of the Week: House of Heroes

Posted on May 21, 2014 by Skippy R

House of heroesWhen I saw this photo of the Columbus, Ohio, Christian band House of Heroes, my first thought was, “Yeah, this is a heroic effort to look stupid.” Or, maybe that guy dressed up like a girl on a dare. Truly heroic. Actually, I’m thinkin’ I might feel a little uncomfortable in their “house of heroes.”

Musically, the band employs Queen-inspired, acappella harmonies, bombastic beats, shredding leads and triumphant riffage. I’m sure they put out a wonderful medley of toe-tapping tunes. But we’re here to talk fashion, and something’s askew.

Maybe this is a commentary on the difficulty, first discussed by the Puritans, of merging a believer’s maleness with his identity as a member of the Bride of Christ. More probably it’s something their manager put them up to.

In any case, House of Heroes definitely needs to man up.

The Ugly Christian Band of the Week feature reviews the most important aspect of any Gospel/Christian music group — its fashion style.

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Weekly Beastie: Putin, Koch Bros. or Rove?

Posted on May 21, 2014 by Skippy R

Karl RoveToday I awoke with dire portents boiling on the horizon of history and a kettle of tea bubbling on the stove. Fox News was all aflutter with primary election wins by Republican candidates in Georgia and Kentucky. Karl Rove was being interviewed, chuckling and hoping no one remembered the Ted Akin debacle in 2012.

Weekly Beastie LogoBut I was only half listening and polishing the dials on the Beastie machine. Beastie had lain dormant and lifeless for several years as history and time washed over us. Beastie blew a gasket from overuse during the 2012 presidential campaign. So I had given it a rest, while I pursued other interests – backgammon, worm farming and Leibniz’ Transcendental Law of Homogeneity.

But duty calls, and it was now time to serve humanity and the Lord by continuing my investigation into the dreaded Number of the Beast.

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin was at the top of my list – can you believe all his shenanigans lately? – but the calculations weren’t there. Even his full name, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, rang no bells with Beastie. Even in Latin, Russian and Hebrew.

I then moved on to domestic politics, and became intrigued by the Machiavellian machinations of the Koch Brothers. But again, every permutation failed to reveal the mystical number. Charles G & David H Koch produced only a 606. Koch Industries a 615. Using Nazorean Gematria, Charles G. Koch gave a 660 when strained through Beastie’s algorithms.

The Koch Brothers

The Koch Brothers

But close is no cigar in this business.

Dejected, I noticed Rove was still talking on TV, chattering about Hillary Clinton’s brain. There was something about his look, a shadow perhaps, just behind his eyes.

I typed in K A R L R O V E and Beastie began to gurgle and spin. Nothing. I added the middle initial for Karl C. Rove. Beastie clattered and spit. This was close – the gematria produced a 630. Filled with a sudden surge of energy and inspiration, I typed in how I thought Rove would introduce himself to God, and Beastie shook, sputtered and wheezed.

Finally! “Karl C. Rove I Am He” produced a gematria of 666. Filled with both horror and elation, I hugged Beastie’s oil-stained casing. Whew! I’ll send out the press release later. It’s time we both had a cup of chamomile tea.

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Rick Perry Devotional: Grasp the baton

Posted on May 21, 2014 by Skippy R

Editor’s Note: Texas Gov. Rick Perry has returned as our guest devotional writer.

Focal Passage: Ecclesiastes 9:10 – “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.”

Although I’m currently under a grand jury investigation for possible coercion and bribery, and I’m planning my 2016 presidential campaign, I couldn’t turn down the invitation to share God’s word with the readers of Blind Folly.

Prayer Time with Perry

Prayer Time with Perry

You know why? Because it’s the BUSY people who get the most done. Whether it’s governing, politicking, coercing or bribing, you’ve got to give it all you’ve got.

We’re called to do everything “as unto the Lord,” no matter what. Zeal! That’s what this country needs! And organization. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. And vice-versa.

The inappropriately named Travis County Public Integrity Unit thinks I pulled funding from a prosecutorial unit because its Democratic district attorney refused to resign after pleading guilty to drunken driving. What’s wrong with that? Now the special prosecutor says he’s “very concerned about certain aspects of what happened here.”

I asked to enter the grand jury room through the back door to avoid the media jackals, but they wouldn’t let me. I could let this distraction get me down. I could take my eye off the 2016 prize, so to speak. As I told NBC News on May 4, “America is a place that believes in second chances.”

I’m taking that second chance. Does America have the courage to take it with me?

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Harvard Black Mass moved to Chinese restaurant

Posted on May 21, 2014 by Skippy R

Hong Kong Restaurant
The Satanic Temple, a group that designed a statue for a satanic display at the Oklahoma state capitol grounds, had a setback lately. When its controversial Black Mass was cancelled at Harvard University, it moved the event to the nearby Hong Kong Restaurant and Lounge in Cambridge, Mass. Let’s listen in…

“Welcome to Hong Kong Restaurant and Lounge. We have cheap eats, good food. What can I get you?”

Satanic Mass“Thank you but we’re just here to enact a non-religious ceremony in praise of Baphomet, the Dark Lord. But don’t worry – we’re soft-core Satanists who see Satanism merely as a vessel for symbolic rationalism and atheism. This won’t take long, 20 minutes tops. What’s your policy on candles?”

“Why is woman in lingerie only? No shirt, no shoes, no service here!”

Oh, she’s an important part of our ceremony. Not a sacrifice though, Ha! Just a little blood letting and we’ll be on our way. Rest assured, no cannibalism or incestuous orgies today, either.”

“Hmm. OK. Some drinks first? We have special on plume wine.”

“Oh, we’ve brought our own refreshments – a kind of hallucinatory mead and some other ingredients. Can’t ingest anything other than what the incantation requires. Wouldn’t want to explode in a FIREBALL or something and disturb your other customers.”

“But we have special on Szechuan chicken today. You look like a group that likes extra spicy.”

“Sorry, we won’t be eating. We just want to complete our ceremony to appease His Satanic Majesty and then we’ll clean up our mess and be out of your hair.”

’No! No eat, NO SEAT. Customers keep tripping over robes, and young woman getting cold, I can tell. No, please leave now.”

“You’re exorcising us without even a fortune cookie to go?”

“You can have Black Mass in back seat of Prius in parking lot. Next time, ask for takeout.”

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Education Crisis: Friday Night Lights-Out

Posted on May 21, 2014 by Skippy R

Allen Stadium
First-World Problem: The Texas state high school champion Allen Eagles built a $60-million football stadium to celebrate their sports success. They even spent extra on concrete seats, wrestling room, an indoor-hitting area for golf and a press box.  1st World ProblemsBut an inspection found incorrectly poured concrete, cracks throughout the concourse, and slabs that weren’t built to sufficiently support the weight of the stadium. “Our senior football players, our 800-member band, drill team, cheerleaders, soccer… you name it, they won’t be in that facility next year, and that’s a huge disappointment,” Allen ISD Superintendent Dr. Lance Hindt lamented. Cost to repair the stadium will approach $1 million.
Third-World Problem: Children living in the Muthare slum in Nairobi, Kenya, do not have the means to buy a soccer ball. Instead they scour dumpsites in the local area for plastic bags and bits of string to fashion their own, handmade ball.

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