Robertson’s Sweater demons only tip of the iceberg

Why fear only second-hand sweaters? Might not the stressed workers in Asian sweatshops — who toil to sew together these articles of clothing that they can’t afford to buy — deposit a little of their heathenish polytheism into the acrylic strands, causing demonic forces to leap upon us right out of the Macy’s bag?

I fear Rev. Robertson’s warning is merely a Satanic device to blind us to the true extent of the dark forces at large in the clothing industry. Remember, Adam and Eve wore no clothes at all in their state of innocence and only donned them because of rebellion. Logic then tells us we are most free of demons when completely nude.

Cold comfort, though, at this time of year.