The Satanic Temple, a group that designed a statue for a satanic display at the Oklahoma state capitol grounds, had a setback lately. When its controversial Black Mass was cancelled at Harvard University, it moved the event to the nearby Hong Kong Restaurant and Lounge in Cambridge, Mass. Let’s listen in…
“Welcome to Hong Kong Restaurant and Lounge. We have cheap eats, good food. What can I get you?”
“Thank you but we’re just here to enact a non-religious ceremony in praise of Baphomet, the Dark Lord. But don’t worry – we’re soft-core Satanists who see Satanism merely as a vessel for symbolic rationalism and atheism. This won’t take long, 20 minutes tops. What’s your policy on candles?”
“Why is woman in lingerie only? No shirt, no shoes, no service here!”
Oh, she’s an important part of our ceremony. Not a sacrifice though, Ha! Just a little blood letting and we’ll be on our way. Rest assured, no cannibalism or incestuous orgies today, either.”
“Hmm. OK. Some drinks first? We have special on plume wine.”
“Oh, we’ve brought our own refreshments – a kind of hallucinatory mead and some other ingredients. Can’t ingest anything other than what the incantation requires. Wouldn’t want to explode in a FIREBALL or something and disturb your other customers.”
“But we have special on Szechuan chicken today. You look like a group that likes extra spicy.”
“Sorry, we won’t be eating. We just want to complete our ceremony to appease His Satanic Majesty and then we’ll clean up our mess and be out of your hair.”
’No! No eat, NO SEAT. Customers keep tripping over robes, and young woman getting cold, I can tell. No, please leave now.”
“You’re exorcising us without even a fortune cookie to go?”
“You can have Black Mass in back seat of Prius in parking lot. Next time, ask for takeout.”
See all the old archived, classic Rick Perry Devotionals here!