A breakthrough prescription for a political year

With a year of brutal and unforgiving political contests looming before us, has anybody considered just getting a 22-Strand DNA Activation instead?

You may not be familiar with this technique. It is a  “tremendous gift that was unveiled in 1998 and is now being shared with mankind to help accelerate the spiritual awakening of the collective consciousness of the planet.” But don’t be alarmed, the website assures us it  “is not a new-age phenomenon and has not been channeled.” Whew.  Rather, the technique — associated with the traditional mystery school lineage of King Solomon — has been handed down intact, in an unbroken lineage, generation after generation, for more than 2,500 years.

You may not know that our human form is “composed of 12 physical strands of DNA and 12 corresponding spiritual strands, totaling 24 strands” (I checked the math; that total is correct). The average person has only one strand activated, which accounts for limited brain use in humans.  (It also explains a lot about the electorate, members of Congress, presidential candidates, E!, Wall Street, televangelists, etc.)

And this ain’t just a flash in the pan. “By receiving the 22-Strand DNA Activation, the genetic structure of the activated person will not only be altered, but this change will also affect the individual’s ancestors three to five generations in the past as well as descendants three to five generations in the future.”  That’s way better than what Obama-care promises to do.

Americans are desperate for answers.  Can we all agree to at least try this?

Glenn Beck, you go first.