Because it’s becoming so difficult to parody the political primary races, here’s a bit of good news to distract us all (courtesy of Heeb Magazine): The UFO worshiping Raëlians are no longer Zionists. (See their powerful video above)
Get Ready!
You don’t remember the Raëlians? The Raëlian movement believes that in 1973 their founder, Claude Vorilhon, (now known as Raël, of course) received a message from an extraterrestrial named “Yahweh,” explaining that the ancient angels, cherubim and divine beings throughout human mythology are actually alien scientists (“Elohim”), responsible for seeding life on this planet. What’s more, once our species reaches a certain developmental stage, the Elohim will make themselves known world-wide, and we’ll enter into an age of extraterrestrial enlightenment.
The essence of Yahweh’s new message is that protection previously extended by the Elohim to the Jewish people has ceased, according to a new press release.
Raël speaks.
As relayed by Raël, Yahweh’s words to the Jews are now, in part:
“You have betrayed all the exemplary values of Judaism by stealing land and houses that don’t belong to you, and especially by not respecting my most important commandment: ‘Thou shall not kill.’ And you have accumulated nuclear weapons that could kill millions of people in one go and spark off a world war capable of destroying all of our creation.”
Raël also relayed Yahweh’s request for Jews to leave Palestine.
The Raëlians apparently are now the new, true Jews, and the longed-for Third Temple will be built, not in Jerusalem, but in whatever nation grants four square kilometers to the Raëlians as an intergalactic embassy to welcome the eventual return of our extraterrestrial creators. Can’t wait.
See all the old archived, classic Rick Perry Devotionals here!