Dr. Leonard Wurtling is a recognized adept of both the Nasorean and the Cabalistic paths of spiritual numerology. In 1993 he disappeared into Cleveland’s burgeoning underground gematria scene, emerging 8 years later and several blocks away walking with a pronounced limp.
Through the good graces of the local Rosicrucian Society, he was given a scholarship to SMU’s Perkins School of Theology, where his preconceptions were brutally stripped away, replaced by the form critical methods of Hort and Wescott.
After morning seminars in conspiracy theory, he was beaten senseless every afternoon with an oversized version of the Keil and Delitzsch Bible Commentary, Unexpurgated Edition. His true initiation came by spending an intense and intimate weekend at an Episcopal retreat center under the private tutelage and ministrations of Elaine Pagels and Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel.
Beastie, his trusty sidekick numerology calculator, became operational in Urbana, Illinois, in 1992 at the Heuristically Programmed Algorithmic Plant at the University of Illinois. After dropping out of the artificial intelligence program to join the circus, he was struck by a bread truck while crossing the street one day. A kindly woodworker gathered up his pieces, and by replacing parts with the mechanisms of old clocks, music boxes and odd drill bits, he reconstructed Beastie into a personal companion and useful business calculator.
When the business later went bankrupt, Beastie– who was hoping somehow to become a “real boy”– instead had to fend for himself. He responded to a Craig’s List request for a whip-smart electro-mechanical calculation machine, interested in biblical numerology, and not allergic to pets. He qualified for two out of three. The rest is history.